I came to Ashtanga yoga later in life. I had been practising other types of yoga for a number of years. It just so happened that a friend taught ashtanga and I was looking for a practice I could do on my own, without relying on class timetables or teachers staying in one place.

It came at a time when I was making changes – I was planning to take time out from working as a lawyer and to move back home from Sydney

I immediately knew that I loved the practice and I worked diligently with my teacher. It gave me a focus, grounding and a structure at a time when a lot was happening. My progress was fast and within a few months I had applied for and has been accepted for my teacher training during my sabbatical from work.

I loved my teacher training. It was physically the hardest thing I had ever done. I felt a great sense of achievement. I felt a deep sense of connection with myself and the world around me. I felt very free.

I had no aspirations to teach, just to continue to learn. Through a coincidental series of events, I returned to Sydney after some travels and started teaching at a dedicated ashtanga studio. Again, I loved it. I was challenged in a very different way to the law and I had to learn quickly to find my feet.

I decided not to return to the law, at least not for a while. I moved back to the UK and to Lewes. I continued to teach a few classes. My classes evolved into non traditional ashtanga classes with music and candles, as it just felt right for the students and for me.

My own practice continued to be ashtanga. But my enthusiasm for the practice was not there. Somewhere along the line I had started to question what I had taken as read.

I had started to see and hear things in the ashtanga world that didn’t feel right. For me, yoga in its true sense was free from agendas and all the things that were in my world before. It was free from human shortcomings.

And it made me think. I felt let down and disillusioned. For what was the point of all the hard work and dedication if it was not for something different. For a different way of doing things. Not for the same all over again dressed up in the name of yoga.

My practice started to slip away. I prioritised teaching over my own practice since I had made up my mind that I couldn’t do everything. And why would I work so very hard for something that was not all it was cracked up to be.

At the end of last year I had pretty much decided that I was done with ashtanga. It had been an interesting journey. But it was no longer making me feel good. In fact all I ever seemed to feel was guilty for not having a daily practice and often inadequate for not being able to do it. It was time, I felt, for a change as it was clearly something for others but not for me.

But there was still a glimmer of something I couldn’t shake. I decided to give it one more go, just to satisfy myself. A new space in Brighton had caught my eye.

I made a New Years resolution to practice there for a month. Just a month, to see what happened.
So I turned up early one day. And then the next day and the one after…and I just got my mat out and practiced how I knew how to. And I saw someone quite different on the mat. Someone who was enjoying the practice for whatever it was.

I found much support and guidance from the teacher. I felt very grateful for not having to do it on my own any more. Thank you Jess!

And I came to realise that maybe it had always been that simple. Just showing up, rolling out my mat and seeing what happened. And the rest really did not matter. And so I continue to turn up, roll out my mat and to see what happens…

Sumiya x

I stumbled across this blog post written by Carlos Fernandez de Castor in March 2012 about practicing in Mysore. It’s poetic, whimsical and deeply devotional – I don’t have much to add except that dedicated practice is not just exercise! I’m reminded of the Buddhist saying, Before enlightenment: chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood and carry water.

Have faith and keep up your practice. There is much wood to chop and a lot of water to carry! Happy reading

Carlos has also taken some lovely travel photos.

2012: the highlights

Here are some of the highlights from the Ashtanga Blog in 2012:

• Dylan Bernstein Brighton workshop review
• Joey Miles Brighton weekend workshop – Saturday workshop review, Sunday workshop review.
• Coming up to standing
• Teaching at Exmoor Yogafest
• Jess and Laura get authorised

2013: the year ahead

• We’re going to Mysore in March – Yay!
• Joey is returning to Brighton for a weekend workshop in April (keep an eye on the blog)

Get inspired to practice

If you’d like some encouragement to make that commitment to daily practice then check out my blog post: an invitation to daily practice.

Wishing you a great new year on and off the mat!

I’m very pleased to announce that my good friends Jess and Laura have been authorised by Sharath on their last trip to Mysore and have returned to Brighton to teach. They are teaching morning Mysore style classes at Yoga Haven starting tomorrow Sun 4th November.

Check out their new website Brighton Ashtanga Shala to see what they’re up to.

Feeling the pain

I never thought that I’d be able to come up to standing without having gone to Mysore – a strange notion I know, but I just sort of always assumed it was something that I’d do there. I’m planning my first trip at the end of this year which I’m very excited about!

Coming up to standing has been a long journey of over 5 years of early morning Mysore practice for me. I’m a 6ft man who is not naturally flexible or gifted when it comes to asana practice. I’ve also struggled with back pain during and after practice for years. It’s taken me a long time to work out how to use my upward dog so that I don’t feel a pinching sensation every time I do a vinyasa. A lot of this has to do with my shoulders, hip flexors and the curve of my spine. I’m certainly not out of the woods either. I still normally have back ache after practice every day. I know – I should just give up and do something else right? Well, that’s what my Dad says anyway.

Dropping back

In order to come back up to standing on your own you need to be able to drop back on your own first. Here are a couple of blog posts about my journey towards dropping back (seems like a lot of drama when I reread them!) The post Back again is all about the fear of dropping back and was written 9 months before I actually managed it successfully on my own. I did it! I dropped back written in August 2010 is very aptly titled and doesn’t need any further description.

The journey

20 months after first dropping back I managed to come back up to standing. That’s all with daily Morning Mysore practice. I seriously doubt I’d have been able to do it without daily practice – ever. It seems like a long time and the road has been anything but straight forward in terms of my practice. In this time I’ve suffered the worst back pain ever (yeah I know – stop doing it!) and at one point I was reduced to just being able to do 1 sun salutation and having to build my practice up one posture at a time – after 5 days I was doing the standing sequence again. During this time my faith was tested to the point where I seriously considered giving up and even discussed quitting with my teacher.

Coming up

In January 2012 I began dropping back on my own again after spending many months building up my strength and stamina with consistent daily practice and really working on my Urdhva Dhanurasana, making sure I was in no pain when doing my back bends. The big day was on Wed April 4th that I came up to standing after my 3rd drop back for the first time. On the second drop back I surprised myself by pushing up and leaving the floor – then came crashing down – I was so surprised. Something felt different – up until that point I’d been dropping back and then pushing with all my might but not being able to get my hands off the floor no matter how hard I tried. So on the final one I really went for it and came up with a little step back. Not pretty but I was up! Hannah and Nicky who were practicing next to me both witnessed it and gave me a little cheer. My legs were shaking with adrenalin and I felt breathless with excitement!

What changed?

I suspect that there’s been an opening in the front of my body – my chest, shoulders and or hips which has meant that my hands are slightly closer to my feet when I drop back but it’s not something that I was aware of.

Show me that again

The next day I was wondering if I’d be able to do it again – and I did 3 times in a row. I’ve heard it said that if you can do a posture 3 days consecutively then you’ve nailed it. The moon day fell on a Friday so we had two days off before I got a chance to try it again.

I managed to come up first attempt and twice more in a row on Sunday which was really good – especially after 2 days off.
I’ve been able to do it each day since – sometimes crashing down on the first attempt but then getting it, sometimes staggering back but still doing it.

What next?

I’m working towards keeping my heels flat (a few more years for me – I think on that one!), not taking a step back, and then finally dropping back and coming up with the correct vinyasa count: exhale – drop back, inhale – come up, exhale -drop back, inhale – come up etc… without any extra breaths in between. So lots still to work on there!

Well done

I have to say it’s an awesome feeling coming up from drop backs and I also feel like I now have a complete primary series. Of course still lots of opening and improvement/refinement to come but it feels like I have all the bits of the puzzle in place now. I’ve actually been really surprised by the whole experience – trying to drop back was such a drama and I was sort of expecting the same thing with coming up – but it’s all happened so suddenly.

Keep going

If you’re working on this yourself or if dropping back seems impossible – just don’t give up. One day you’ll surprise yourself too!